Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Uff da

My computer fried in the storm the other day. So I am attempting a post from the IPad. I am hoping Superman has super techy powers as that computer is on life support and without it I feel as though I am too.

I met with Dr. Bouton, the breast surgeon yesterday. He had a cancellation and so I grabbed the chance to get in to see him. Of course we have just two things planned for August, a golf tourney benefit, on the 11th, and a big trip to the ocean on the 18th or so. But we sat quietly listening to the surgeons busy schedule. His first opening was August 10th. Shoot... The room grew quiet. I took a breath and told him about the benefit. He sat for a moment and then said he'd make some calls and see what he could do. Maybe it was his Texas cowboy charm, or I don't know what act of God given grace occurred, but he came back with a date of August 12th. Thank you God.

With a mastectomy date on board, we now have a few more hurdles to clear. I need to complete genetic counseling, have lab work done, and come Friday I get shoved up in the MRI tube again. As if going head first weren't claustrophobic enough, this time I will go face down. I promptly asked for sedation and have been told two Xanax will be awaiting me at the pharmacy Thursday.

With no clear path opening in front of me as to reconstruction, I will meet with a plastic surgeon sometime after surgery. Again, stage IV rears it's ugly head and managing disease is more urgent than a pretty new breast. However, in time I may be a candidate for DIEP flap surgery which uses stomach tissue to reconstruct a natural breast-it's like a tummy tuck, boob job wrapped into one! I'm starting to feel a bit like a modern day Humpty-Dumpty!

Of course if I am found to have the breast cancer gene, than we may have to take the other breast as well at some point. However, because I am still in active treatment, One incision is all I can manage for now. My blood counts are still a little low and we want to ensure I can heal and still withstand chemotherapy.

So if I am being honest? I am a little sad. A little nervous. But still standing. Still fighting. And mostly feeling washed in Grace and abundance. Thank you for continuing to walk this journey with me... "everyday is a winding road..."

19 comments:

  1. Thanks for your post! I am sad with you, although, I would gladly donate as much tissue as you want to use for reconstruction! If only that were possible. I think of you daily, Vicky, and my prayers are with you. Hang in there, honey!

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  2. Keeping you always in my thoughts and prayers, Vicky. Stay strong, as this is the best way your body has of defending itself. Sending love and hugs your way!

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  3. a little sad.
    a little nervous.

    But still standing and still fighting! You are tremendous force of good and hope and determination. Cancer doesn't stand a chance!

    Keep fighting, Vicky!

    Sending prayers and love you to!

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  4. Those open doors of grace are always such gift ... praying all will go well and peace will embrace you.

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  5. Thanks for the update! I cannot even begin to imagine the range of emotions you must be feeling but I am constantly amazed and in awe of your strength, your faith, and the grace with which you are handling your diagnosis. You are an inspiration. Praying for you and your family!

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  6. So glad you are moving ahead with the surgery Vicky. Nice that your doctor was able to accomodate your schedule.

    This will be a challenging adjustment, I'm sure, but it seems like a no-brainer when you are dealing with stage four cancer. Wonderful for you to know you have good reconstructive options later.

    Thinking of you and sending you a big gentle hug.

    You really blow me away, you know.

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  7. I pray on this hard pathway through life right now, that along the journey you'll find some gems too. Stay strong.

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  8. Dear Vicky, I am always at a loss as to what to say. This thing is like marching into battle. No matter how many soldiers you have around you, the one you battle with is a one on one thing and so it is always terrifying.
    I think I told you about this new vaccine I saw on the animal planet, where they took a piece of tumor from the brain of a dog, made a vaccine and reinjected the dogs own tumor back in. Since Cancer is a virus it works like a cold virus, running around killing just the bad cells.If the doctors could get a sample from all the areas you have affected and try doing the same thing, maybe it would work on people too???????
    HOPE? HOPE? HOPE?

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  9. My honest feelings??? I have tears in my eyes. I HATE that you have to go through this. And I HATE feeling those feelings with you. I know them all. My only bad decision was that I did not have both breasts removed when I had the surgery. I couldn't have reconstruction, so the lopsidedness is something I can't get used to. You know, sometimes it just all the decision making, especially those that are life changing, is the hardest thing in this battle. I remember just wishing someone else would do all the listening and decision making for me. But then I realized.. . I do have SOMEONE who is listening and telling me what to do. God is with you, Vicky. Trust HIM with whatever comes your way. He will make it clear to you what it is you should do and when. I'm still here praying and praying and praying.. . . !!!!!

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  10. How scary, but how brave you are Vicky. You are faced with a lot, but just know that all your blogger friends are thinking of you and praying for you. Since my mother went through breast cancer, I see the similarities of emotions. Hang in there....God will give you the strength you need.

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  11. As always, your grace and strength continue to amaze and inspire me. Thinking of you often, hoping for the day that life returns to normal for you and your family.

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  12. You are still standing. You are still fighting. You are a champion of this battle. I think of you each day. My prayers and love are always with you.

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  13. Hi sweet friend, thanks for your visit. I knew you had a birthday the other day cause of Face Book but I have been gone...so may I say right now, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And may you have all the birthdays you ever want to have! I loved the post you did for your birthday, loved seeing you as a sweet little girl.
    I hope and pray that everything will go perfect for you as you go forward with this surgery. May it all heal well and fast and let you get on with your life. I would do the same, what are boobs compared with life! LOL God bless you. :D

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  14. Thanks for your visit Vicky. I am trying to keep you updated as to what is out there, although I am not sure they do this vaccine on people or even if it works on all cancers.
    But if the rest fails, there is always something else to try.
    I am glad the procedure you are doing right now is helping.You go girl!!

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  15. As I read your words...I remember...I am so sorry you have to travel this journey! Continued prayers being sent your way!

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  16. Will be praying for you and all you have coming up.
    Tuesday will be three weeks since my right side masectomy. It wasn't fun but I think I'm doing pretty good! :)
    Keep smiling and keep enjoying your kids and honey and just yell out "stupid boob" when you need to... That's what I do! :)

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  17. I ask God to lay his healing hand upon you and cure you completely. With nothing bad ever returning. God is watching over you and won't let any hard come your way. Loads of love!

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  18. "Everyday is a winding road..." and now, "You're a little bit closer..." to healing. NOW I know what today was all about. May I be the one to say it SUCKS that you have to lose your breast? It is what it is but it's still sad, even though you know it's the best thing. That said, I'm so glad you are brave enough and strong enough to move forward with the resolve to do all you need to do to recover. What a mix of emotions you must be processing through all of this. You always seem and sound so positive, and I know you are, but I also know you're human and how can you not have your moments? The difference with you, Vicky, is you don't live in "your moments." You live in your LIFE - the whole big, beautiful ALL of it. Love to you, Vicky. Praying tonight that you are sleeping and resting peacefully as you lean on the everlasting arms and wake to the arms of those on earth you love the best.

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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