Monday, April 5, 2010

For you Dad...









For you Dad.  Because Lord knows, I am not very good at this.  The big meal with new recipes that I haven't tried. The dietary restrictions, no gluten for mom, no sodium for dad. Plus, the bunny suit I'm wearing as I hop on down the bunny trail of baskets and eggs and peeps, ever mindful of the real celebration waiting for us at church.

I would have quit several times over if I didn't have an end goal in sight.  So, when the turkey leaked all over the fridge... yes, it dribbled down the the back and pooled around the food in the crisper in the bottom, even though I had a bag around the turkey... ugh... a bag... with a hole... yes even then, I didn't quit.  For you Dad.

Plus in the very middle of trying not to spatter my church clothes with turkey guts and figuring out how to clean it all up... Nolan asked for the seventeenth time, "Can I go play with Riley now?"  Seventeen times I've said no... yet he lives to ask again, but just barely.  I feel myself slipping into oblivion because no matter how quickly I seem to throw that juggling ball back up, it comes round again before I am ready for it.  So not  good at this.  My composure cracks.

So as I am brewing up tension, and drama and mess, and why am I putting my inept self through this again?  I think of Dad.  Because I see the effort he is making.  His fingernails are white as he grips his cane getting out of the car.  His heart is not able to pump blood all the way to his extremities anymore.  I watch him labor up the steps, willing his weakened body to go where his strong will wants it to.  If only he could get it to cooperate.  He is purple in the face by the time he gets in to sit down, but its purple, with a smile.  A grin really, that spreads from ear to ear.  He is lively, engaged and appreciative.

As we sit down, some of the storm raging within me, settles and dissipates.  As we say a quick blessing,  I am reminded not just of the fact that He is risen, but of the victory on the cross.  My sacrifices are small.

For you Dad.

23 comments:

  1. Crying. You have such a heart my friend. And eyes to see what's truly important and ears to hear more than the noise...I think you are rather wonderful. I think your dad raised quite a daughter.
    love to you today...

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  2. "He is lively, engaged, appreciative." How gracious he is. I can see why you try so hard for him.

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  3. What a grace-filled father ... and daughter.

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  4. Your father's spirit and determination are wonderful. You are an amazing daughter too. Love this post. Vicky, your writing is so genuine and layered. It's a privilege to read your words here today.

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  5. Beautifully written, Vicky. And GAWD, I know the awful mess the Turkey made, had the same thing happen at Thanksgiving. And it was triple bagged!!!!...

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  6. You'll forgot everything icky and difficult and hot and bad, forget it ALL...but you'll always remember him.

    Beautifully written by the way.

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  7. What a great post Vicky. I love how you wrote and chose your words.

    Your dad's smile says a lot.

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  8. Beautiful Vicky:) Your words were very well written and filled with love.
    Thank you for the comment you left on my Easter post. You always leave me the most encouraging words! ((Hugs for that and for being my friend!))

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  9. This is so very lovely, heart-breaking, but lovely. Thank you for sharing this.

    FourthGradeNothing.com

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  10. Beautiful post for its raw honesty, its grace. The pull of generations is evident, a fact of life for women in the middle of it all. Not that we begrudge anyone for needing attention, but it would be nice if we got someone's undivided attention too, at least more often than we do. But what richness and joy our loved ones add to our lives!

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  11. Robin, I'm blushing with the generosity of your words... and learning from your journey. Love to you...

    Kass, yes... no regrets, and he does make that easy.

    Susan, thank you... attempting grace at least...

    Kelly, thank you for your sweet words, I am honored to have you come and read :)

    Karen, triple bagged! Oh, now that may have sent me over the edge :) I've only recently even started making turkeys and had no idea to watch for this to happen!

    Dolores, thanks for that reminder... wise words, thank you.

    Lisa, yes, that smile didn't leave his face... his joy was ever present.

    Kaleena, thank you as well for your friendship, its equally meaningful for me :)

    Ally, yes this whole experience is rather bittersweet.

    Meri, thank you for your insightful words. I think you highlighted the part I left unspoken... the acceptance of that middle place and in learning to gracefully give the attention instead of receiving it... very wise view point... thank you.

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  12. Oh, so well said Vicky. I believe a sacrifice of love is never shared in vain.

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  13. Vic -- Looks like your family had a nice Easter. Glad to see that.

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  14. Beautiful post.

    Full of love.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  15. As I read this lovely post, it reminded me of my first time cooking turkey and chicken, thawing them in the refrig.
    I too, had a huge mess, thus the next time I set that big bird in a cake pan. Yep, he hung over the sides, just like my fat rolls, but all the blood and juice ended up in the cake pan and I didn't have to spend precious time cleaning a messy refrig.

    I am so glad your dad was able to enjoy some time with you.
    Blessings,
    Verna

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  16. Oh dear...Your dad is a very strong man. Strong of will. God knows that. He only gives us as much as we can take. Your dad is a source of strength not just for you and your family but also for all of us reading this. We who've never met him. We wish him good health and a happy life. God bless such a good man :)

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  17. Gosh you took me down memory lane.
    I had so many days like this and days that were worse but now I remember them and would never change a thing.
    My Dad, My Mom, all the problems of aging.
    They kept telling me any time now and I would never believe them. It cannot ever happen I'd say.lol
    I wonder if we should ever be so lucky with our kids.
    I'd like to think so.

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  18. Sweet Vicky....I'm so sorry I haven't been around more. We escaped on vacation and I've been terribly absent for reasons I won't bore you (or my blog readers) with.

    All I can say here is you will NEVER regret the heart you possess to bless the man who has blessed you throughout your life. I see you in each other when I look at the pictures. You have the same twinkle and air of determination. I don't know him but I DO know he's enriched many lives. Like father, like daughter. Thanks for being my friend and touching my heart, and life, in times that I desperately needed the effort.

    Love to you,

    Robynn

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  19. Jen, I like the way you described it, thanks for sharing that :)

    Kristi, Yes, and how was yours?

    Redhead Riter, welcome, and thank you :)

    Verna, yes, lesson learned, cookie sheet under turkey... why didn't I even think of that? Blessings to you!

    Stillness, its good to hear from you! Yes, dad's will is very strong these days, regardless of everything else that is weakened :)

    Vic, gosh, I hope so too with our kids! I hope you had a Blessed Easter!

    Robynn, so glad you escaped! I have been thinking of you and hoping you are well :) You are missed! Thank you for your heartfelt words... and I hope you know I feel the same way about you! Love to you Robynn...

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  20. both you and your dad are bless to have each other.

    He sounds like a man that love his family very much and is making the most of all the time he has with you.

    I ope your family had a wonderful Easter

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  21. Hello Vicky

    After spending a week with my aged and ailing parents I have to say I admire your efforts and your attitude...


    that cross, is also a depiction of our own achievements over selfishness and the calls of the ego...
    the spirit rises above them,..and that is our personal resurrection...

    Happy days

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  22. Oh, how I love you friend. You, your heart, your effort, your dad.

    You are blessing him so much, but you are giving yourself such blessing, too. Because you'll look back on this, and the exasperation will fade, and the joy on his face will be all you remember.

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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