My quick cell phone photo doesn't do the cookies justice. They're bright pink and white and were a complete surprise arriving at our door last night. Thank you for the sweet treat to the angel who made these- they sure were a day brightener! And just as yummy as they looked. So was the meal that arrived ready for us to bake tonight- thank you Bonnie- I was so touched by your thoughtfulness. I really feel when these things happen, they truly answer some of the prayers so many have said on behalf of our family.
I know I was in search of the things I could count on last week, when so much new was cropping up, so fast.
I met with an OB, Dr. Keup last Wednesday. She had planned on trying to do the biopsy of my uterus in office that very day. I was so unprepared for it, but tried to steady my nerves as she prepared me for the procedure. But I was in discomfort right from the start. No matter how slight her movements were, it was incredibly painful. She stopped before she really had a chance to start, saying she just didn't feel she'd get a good sample based on how much atrophy had settled in after my ovaries had been removed. She needed to have me under anesthesia to get a good amount of tissue.
So I told her about my scheduled stent replacement the following day, which I had just found out would be the first surgery of the day at 645 am. I had to arrive at the new hospital by 5:00 am Thursday morning.
Through a series of phone calls in which Dr. Keup was able to talk with both Dr. Panwalkar and Dr. Williams who was doing the stent procedure, they managed to come up with a plan to do the biopsy right after the stent replacement. The second surgery pieced itself together in such a seamless fashion, it was hard not to feel as though bigger hands were truly in charge of how this all would go. But it didn't stop there... the biggest surprise was about to happen the next morning.
Rick drove me to the hospital early Thursday morning. I was called back to the pre-surgery room shortly after our arrival. I had felt like I was walking through a hotel lobby on my way up to the 3rd floor. Everything had such grandeur to it. It was a lot to take in and I found myself quiet and reflective.
As I was being prepped by a nurse, a whole crew of people streamed in and out of my room. I hadn't been told to take my scheduled morphine and the time had come and gone, so my nurse wanted the anesthesiologist to come in and see if she could help.
Dr. Goswami came in and introduced herself. But she lingered as she spoke. "My name often precludes anyone from knowing who I am, she said, coming bedside to speak with me. There was a warmth she exuded underneath all her scrubs. She told me she wouldn't be following me to surgery as she had been at work all night and was just concluding her shift. She continued to speak. "As I read your history last night, I had an idea of who you might be. You write a blog that my surgical tech follows. She even sent me a link to a post you had written that included Amit- Dr. Panwalkar-and it was so kind, I just wanted to thank you. You see, Amit is my husband, and you spoke so nicely about him ... I just wanted to introduce myself so I could thank you.
I was flooded with pure joy! Out of all the doctors I could have been assigned to, Dr. Panwalkar's wife was the one overseeing my care at that time. I was so awestruck in such a way that I hardly said any words to her. It truly felt like the presence of God in that moment. That she took the time and went out of her way to talk to me was so gracious. She went on to be sure I got a dose of morphine before she left to go home. She said she doesn't often tell her patients who she is because they tend to turn the conversation onto her or him and she feels the focus should stay on the patient.
I'm not sure why it had such a big effect on me, but I settled in and felt peaceful waiting to be taken back for the surgeries. Both procedures went well, and despite a lot of bleeding which is common with the kind of biopsy I had, and some discomfort, I was able to go home late Thursday afternoon.
I'm not sure why it is that small things continue to speak to me in such big ways. Its a very simplistic viewpoint that I hold. But I had to feel it was God's way of showing me that He had this, despite how nervous and afraid we may become when faced with hard things to go through. I just want to feel like I'll be able to handle things, no matter what comes. And He hasn't let me down in feeling as though I'm not doing this alone.
Next Tuesday, I will see Dr. Panwalkar, and then begin the new chemotherapy regimen. I'm so nervous to begin 3 brand new drugs with a host of new side effects that may or may not show up for me. I will also hopefully get results from the biopsy and be able to move forward with those.
In the meantime I've been touched by the outpouring of messages, and prayers and visits by so many. Each little bit helps see me through and I will be eternally grateful to all of you who continue to walk side by side with me through this journey.
What do answered prayers look like in your life?