when joy finds you...and so much more...

It's Monday morning, and I'm just glueing my seat to this chair and doing a long overdue post.  I'm sorry for any worry I cause, when I'm absent from here- I will certainly have Rick or someone update for me if I'm unable to do so and I have news about my health- otherwise just know I'm hanging in there! 

Its already been a couple of weeks since Dr. Panwalkar called me with the findings of my PET Scan.  He simply relayed to me that cancer is once again growing larger in my uterus, my colon, and there are more spots appearing in my lungs.  "Its worse, he said, it has gotten worse. But we'll start you on Taxotere right away.  You had a good response to it the first time, we only quit when the side effects grew too difficult."

So for the last two weeks, each Tuesday I've gone into Roger Maris for infusion.  But it was clear last week, something else was settling in- a deep cough and a lot of gunky green coming along with it.  So I was given Levaquin- a broad spectrum antibiotic, along with my infusion.  Boy, have I felt crummy.  I'm mostly somewhere between a recliner, or my bed, heating pad in tow, and Crosby too.

And yet somehow?  When I so desperately needed the light to shine through all the dark, I've felt it shining in at every angle.   

My cousin Jackie sent me this little treasure- a blue journal with a comfort cross that was hand made by her husband, Fred!  The thoughtfulness of gifts like these, truly touch me at a deep level.  My thank you's may mostly come from here these days, although my gratitude flows out from heart- beat by beat.  Thank you Fritel family!  

Sara said it so perfectly- I grabbed this from fb yesterday...

This sweet package arrived in time for Valentines day from sweet Peggy.  Again- she crafted so many lovely pieces together and touched me through and through.  The gift of her never ending friendship and prayers have been the biggest blessing to me.  So thankful, Peggy!

Then out of the blue, this beautiful bouquet showed up- and what I love is how color filled- it is and how much pure joy I feel, every time I lay eyes on them.  Thank you soul-sis-Linda- your abundant encouragement, prayers and ability to walk with me through all of this is such a gift to me.  

Do you know I take you up on your offers of help?  I really will reach out when I need something.  My stomach is so extended, while the rest of me shrinks in ways.  So in pure panic mode with a need for something to wear- my friend Sue went to a store and the owner graciously let her bring two bags filled with clothes for me to try on!  They were comfy, cute, in my price-range- and precisely what I needed at a moment's notice.  How lucky am I?  Help around the corner- always.  Sue fixed dinner, then brought these cute mini roses- with the heart attached on the front.  But as I go to take a picture of them, what strikes me is how the light glows in and around the roses- resting fully on that heart.

Maddy!  Look- the dutch shoes with your beautiful note brightened my day so much!  They're sitting right next to me, always.  So thankful for our friendship and shared prayers across the miles!  

Do you all remember this?  This is the documentary I was honored to be a part of!  Emily and her mom, Lori both sent me Dvd copies and Blu-ray.  I was lucky enough to have my best friend forever, Kristi come and we watched it together.  Oh my- its so powerful, and such a well done documentary.  If you'd like to follow along about where and when its being shown, please follow their Facebook page here!  Thank you, Emily and Lori!! I'm touched beyond words!  

So you never fully know how touched you can be, by the simplest things... like a mantra band with two of your favorite words- love and light- sent to you from someone you deeply admire and appreciate- who walks their own journey along side of you.  Ahem- notice the light surrounding this one too?  Thanks sweet friend!

As long as some of my days have been- the highlight is often when Rick brings the mail into my bedroom.  I treasure the cards, the meaningful notes, and all the support I feel.  I could add another whole stack to this picture, but I'll never get this post done if I don't forge ahead right now, with just what is here.  Thank you everyone! 

Its always amazing to me, that my inside and outside don't often match.  I even have some color in my cheeks here on infusion day last week.  But I carefully applied make-up, threw powder on my bald spots, and had my new clothes to wear-  because I was honored to be asked by Sanford to do an interview with their media team, during infusion last week.  I pray I am worthy because its a pure gift of telling my story- and more importantly sharing how extremely blessed I am to have been given the chance to live- despite having cancer.  I always pray someone will garner a kernel of truth about how they might do just the same- that some hope will spread- and the light will keep shining!  

Somehow my infusion flew by, and I forgot about the camera, and just spoke to my hearts content.  

And even with all of this glorious stuff happening?  The best was yet to come...

Before I get there- I just need to say a huge thank you for all the prayers- the messages and notes you send me.  The meals brought to us, the treats, the flowers.  A book from a friend.  And a handmade quilt from another... still so much to post at some point... I'm just so grateful.  

For one of the first times, I was too sick to go to the section championship game last week, in Thief River Falls, where Nolan and the Moorhead Spuds would play against Roseau to determine who would go on to the State Tournament.

So I curled up in a chair, next to my radio and listened to Larry as he spoke the words we've dreamed of hearing one day! 

"Your section 8AA Champions are the Moorhead Spuds!"  

So grateful for all who sent photos my way.  With Rick being the photographer of the Spuds, I'm pretty blessed with the special ones he managed to send me.

Nolan getting his medal from Coach Ammerman.

Just one of the many victory shots...

But the one that sneaks up on me?  The one that is priceless to me?

Is when Rick tells me that not only did Colton come running onto the ice, he literally leapt into his brother's arms and hugged him like there's no tomorrow!

And his big brother?  Hugged him hard, all the way back.

Is joy not written all over their faces?  

It was early the next morning when they arrived home.  They all burst into the bedroom and finally, my long awaited for hug came to me, too.  

So we're packing today.  Rick has been cutting and printing giant "heads" of the kids nearly nonstop all weekend.  We're all happily up to our ears in planning and preparing to go to the State Hockey Tournament, on Wednesday, with the Spuds taking on the Hill-Murray Pioneers once again this season, Thursday at 1 pm.   We beat them in OT our last game of the season.  We have so much hope for these boys, and this team.  

One team.  One dream.  ONWARD MOORHEAD! 

And one last little present today?  Dr. Panwalkar said it would be ok for me to skip infusion this week.  I'm still worn down, tired, and having some pain.  But I'm going- no matter what it takes- I'll see you at the X!!