The thank you notes clutter my desk, my table, they're abundant everywhere. My gratitude runs deep while my ability to convey it is slow. I am deeply behind in writing my thank you notes. Luckily, I have infusion, to at least give thanks in some permanent and meaningful way.
Each week at infusion, I sit and number all of my gifts in a gratitude journal. I'm literally tied down by a needle in my chest with tubes running up to the big iv pole and pump. I'm not going anywhere! But I find I pay little attention to time, I'm so absorbed in the writing of the journal.
Plus I'm blessed with a visit from Sandy, the volunteer. She is a beautiful soul, that always remembers to come and find me right where I am. We talk about scripture, and daily devotions, and books, and everything. Then she grabs my hands and fervently prays. I often feel like its her, and so many of you, with me- all circling around and letting grace flow. I receive so much more than "drugs" at infusion.
Plus then it follows me home. The beautiful handmade card below, with equally as beautiful words written inside. I'm slow to say my thank- you's these days, but I pray you all know how these are the very things that get me through.
I feel the most longing to letting Melody know how much this card touched me. Her words were so heartfelt and she is so generous and giving, and I am speechless and filled with gratitude that these gifts that come my way. Thank you, Melody!
And the bracelet? I completely forgot that I had ordered it, weeks ago. I madly opened the Alex and Ani box, and love walked in. The gift of love... that I had ordered BEFORE I had chosen my word.
I also feel love, when words come together that describe your feelings, but you just didn't think to align them in this way- it feels like someone knows my heart.
Then having just read those words, you walk outside into the midst of snow swirling about you, and the sun shining through as though the air is magically glistening, and sparkling- and you feel where "calm meets chaos... and madness swirls... and love passes by."
Then the finale arrives when the sundogs radiate their rainbow colors around the sun, and all is right with the world.
And Crosby never leaves my side, unless he is going to sneak off to find the Santa teddy bear he longs to wrap his arms around. Love personified.
So this is me, trying. Because, in between all of these fleeting moments I cherish? Are the hard and messy ones, coming at me faster than I can deal with some days. So I'm trying to align the words, and cling to the moments of grace and love, no matter how fleeting they feel sometimes.
Ann Voskamp always aligns those words just right...
“I want to see beauty. In the ugly, in the sink, in the suffering, in the daily, in all the days before I die, the moments before I sleep.”
― Ann Voskamp,