the birthday misadventure... and the gift

I never would have thought it would be Dr. Panwalkar who would give me my biggest Birthday gift yesterday...

It was just a case of the sniffles two mornings ago.  I sneezed and sneezed.  But then it started to change as I readied for bed.  My heart was beating so fast.  So I took my meds and awoke yesterday morning, ready to celebrate my birthday.

I was so touched by the outpouring of well wishes showing up on my fb page!  I sat responding, and sneezing, and aching.

Then shivering.

Then heart racing again, and I was next back in bed.

And soon we're calling.

"Come right in to the treatment center."

Dr P it seems, had a sudden cancellation and he could see me in an hour.  

That alone was a gift.

By the time I got to the clinic my fever was spiking, and my heart was racing and I was declining.

"Dr. P, its my birthday, this is the last place I really want to be."  

Dr. P said, "well, we'll see how your blood counts look,  and decide admission to the hospital after that."

So officially, my blood counts came back "low," or as they like to say "in the toilet."  Neutropenia wins as my immune system becomes almost non-existent.  (Normal is around 1500, and mine was .7)  This sets my body up to not be able to fend off any germs, bugs, etc.

So straight to infusion I go.  And bags of IVs are hung and antibiotics are delivered and fluids and pain meds.... bag after bag is given.

And my phone just keeps dinging away with all kinds of well wishes, and Rick and I can only chuckle.  

I even wear my FP3 shirt ( Ferrie Performance is where both my kids do their athletic training and I wear their shirts as much as my kids do) for extra strength.

It also just so happens to be that Dr. P is on call this night, so he bounces back into my room a couple of times to check on me.  He is still deciding upon admission for me. 

"Dr. P, I was born here, in St. Lukes Hospital, 48 years ago."

"Really, and it was St. Lukes, then?"  

"Yes," I say, I stayed with my mom that night, but this time, on my birthday?  I'm just visiting!! 

He hearty- laughs, and says we'll see. 

But shortly later,  he comes back and decides, as long as I promise to call him middle of the night if I get worse?  He will let me go home!  

And part of me thinks- all of those well wishes created just the positive energy force I needed to pave my way home. 

So its late, as Rick and drive through the stormy night, back home, which feels like the biggest gift to me.

This is part of the post I had started earlier yesterday...

My friend, Joy made these for me.  You write a word on a sticker and then attach them to the glass beads.  You take a word with you each day... see mine for yesterday?  How cool, that wish was front and center.  Thank you Joy!

This cake brings me right back to my childhood.  Its homemade by my Aunt Carol, and was always featured at our birthday parties growing up.  Its made from scratch, and is so moist and delicious- I even managed a slice last night late when I got home.  Thank you Bill and Carol!

Here are a few more goodies I have received.  I'm more behind than ever in writing notes of gratitude, but I am so touched, by each thing, each time.  

The boys were so excited to show me this, when I got home.  Colton literally felt like it might have been HIS birthday, with all the cool stuff we got.  Thank you, Sue's mom :)

I could barely prop myself up.  I'm as stripped down, bare and real, as I can be.  

But I'm here!  48 feels pretty great.  And I got every stinkin' one of those candles in one big breath!