I've been saying to friends, I feel as though I am "nesting." I wonder if there is a word that describes the frenzied, rushed, feeling of trying to pack a summer's worth of living into a couple of weeks, as you prepare to do aggressive chemo?
July 7th has been scheduled as my first day of chemo treatment. Dr. Panwalkar is on vacation, so I will see a nurse practitioner early that morning. Then infusion is scheduled right afterwards. I will be having a "loading dose," which is a larger than normal dose of the first two drugs. They will watch over me carefully, for any reaction that might occur. I will be there all. day. long. Then...
I'm so not there yet. Not ready. Not wanting to face the reality that is about to crash through our tiny existence.
So I plunged into denial- long and hard- over and over again these past few days.
I've loved all those who have plunged in, right along with me.
We gathered a bunch of our hockey moms and went out to The Tavern, and had homemade pizza, and drinks last week. I even indulged in a raspberry drink that was fruity without being overly sweet. But I enjoyed every drop of it.
I took mom's peonies out to the cemetery and visited with all of our family, leaving a trail of soft and feathery petals wherever I went.
I've had lots of visitors, coffee dates and lunches.
I was in a documentary (!)... and that's all I can say about that for now.
I have friends coming for a special girls weekend starting today.
And we have a last minute gift of adventure arriving for next week that I can't wait to share with you all.
Still...
My desk is littered with prescriptions...
my cranial prosthesis script arrived.
Can you piece that one together?
I'll leave the answer down in my comments.
In the meantime, I'm off once again, plunging deep into living life.
Live your moments, friends, live them full!
Its a wig! Cranial prosthesis is a wig that it seems my insurance company will not pay for, so its looking like maybe "Stella," will have a revival :)
ReplyDeleteOh my...did I miss out on Stella? Vicky, have you heard were you can cut your hair and they put it on a weave thing..and then you can wear it with hat's..let me get the link. GF in Montana did it. You could not tell at all that it was not real...it was her own hair worn under caps!!! Yes, you would have to cut it before you go in...but it's you and your hair!!!
Delete“Look at the sparrows; they do not know what they will do in the next moment. Let us literally live from moment to moment.”
ReplyDelete– Mahatma Gandhi
Enjoy your girls weekend and your adventure next week!!! Always thinking of and praying for you, dear friend.
Sending love and hugs!
i've put 7/7 on the calendar. thanks for the advice to go LIVE. will do, girlfriend, and i'm glad you are!
ReplyDeleteOh Vicky...you are so right...live live live these next days! You are making a choice to fight again !(not that you ever stopped) With that fight comes... the back lash. the feeling ill and sickness and hair loss. But what a courageous amazing women you are to us all. Because you do fight back. Love you. will keep you in prayers and wish you nothing but adventure from now till the 7th...and then I will be praying that your body handles all that is thrown it's way! xoxox Pretty graceful lady!
ReplyDeleteTotal enjoyment until the 7th and then prepare for battle!
ReplyDeleteOh my dear friend,
ReplyDeleteI am grinning at the thought of you and your buddies having a Girls' Weekend. Ah...to be surrounded by loving sisters and more joy and adventures to come! :)You are packing it all in, dear one. Yes, "plunging deep into living life!" Taverns and pizza and sweet drinks and fun and laughter. Some of the very best soul medicine around. This cancer will NOT steal your joy!!
What a perfect picture..."nesting"...getting ready for all that is to come. Anticipating the known and unknown. Getting your heart and spirit lined up, and strengthen up, with love and fun and joy and friends. I love that you said you are plunging into denial long and hard for these few days. Good for you, sweet Vicky. I've always loved this quotation about denial:
"Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief.
There is a grace in denial.
It is a way of letting in only as much as we can handle."
So celebrate on, dear friend. Go for it!!! All that you are doing will strengthen your heart and spirit and body for whatever comes next. You can do this! God is right there with you and so are we! And on July 7th...your prayer warriors have your back. And God is there with you during that loading of the doses. And I am picturing those cancer cells being eaten up by the medicine they give you.
I love you to the moon and back, Vicky Held Westra...always!
Your soul-sis
Linda
Cranial prosthesis. Wow. Whoever heard of such! okay...am putting July 7th on my calendar to pray for you. It's the day between my mom and sis's b/day.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for all sorts of Surprises to be waiting for you on the 7th!
So much love to you and yours,
Julie
So grateful for our moments together this past week; that I could be part of your nesting and celebrating life. I've got the 7th down, and will be eying another date a ways from there that I'm hoping you will take up space in as well, if you are feeling okay. Hugs and more hugs!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, praying for you, sending lots of good stuff your way. You are one incredible and strong woman.
ReplyDeleteI love the image of a trail of petals as you visit your dear mom and other loved ones.
ReplyDeleteA documentary? Can't wait to hear more about it !
Grace, strength and peace to you ...
'Plunging deep into living life...' thank you for that!
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers to you and your guys from S Fla
I will be praying for you, as always! Enjoy your weekend with friends!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family Vicki! Hugs...♥
ReplyDeleteDear friends on Vicky's blog,
ReplyDeleteCould I ask a huge favor. So many of you are prayer warriors. Could you please keep my youngest daughter in your prayers. For more details, you can read my
latest blog post. Her name is Amy. I would be so, so grateful!
Thank you! God Bless!
Love Linda
'Plunging deep into living life...' thank you for that!
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers to you and your guys from S Fla
'Plunging deep into living life...' thank you for that!
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers to you and your guys from S Fla
Do you want to consult NIH. Www.Yvonnefoong.com
ReplyDeleteShe suffered from NF2 n went through 13 surgeries including brain surgeries. Do visit her blog nnyou can email her too. God bless
SO Stella is getting her groove back. I thought you looked stellar donning Stella.
ReplyDeleteLOVE YOU!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are lengthening the joy and stretching it and I love it. Woke up with you on my mind and I hope you are still reveling in every minute. And if you need that cranial prosthesis then Stella will be ready, too. She's probably been bored.
ReplyDeleteIn a couple of days you will celebrate your freedom along with the rest of the country. Let each light that pierces the night sky remind you of all the prayers and love that are there for you.
I want you to know that in the process of finding a place for mom we had lunch with a 78-year-old woman, Deri, who battled stage IV cancer 8 years ago. It was in her brain, liver, bones, and even kidneys. She underwent the aggressive chemo you are about to embark on. She has now been cancer free for 7 years following that treatment. There is EVERY reason to believe, sweet girl. And we're believing with you! You can DO this. I love you. Now party on!
Oh Robin,
DeleteThank you so much for sharing Deri's story...what a boost of belief and hope that gives, especially for our Vicky. I am keeping you in my prayers as you look for a place for your Mom. And as you see those brilliant 4th of July lights in the sky, may you too know how deeply you are treasured. Your comments on this blog enhance my life.:)
God Bless, friend.
Love, Linda
Nesting might be the perfect word for it. This is not the same thing, but I do remember the feeling of wanting to cram everything in and just fully eek every breath of life out of those days prior to beginning chemo. I've been studying in Genesis about the life of Joseph, and in Genesis 39 it talks about how the Lord showed "steadfast love" to Joseph during all of his trials, and I thought that was such a comforting thought.
ReplyDeleteMany hopes that you are having just the best holiday weekend possible!
a virtual hug. right now. just for you. i hope you can feel it. and now I'm pouring a bit of malibu and pineapple juice for us….i hope you like it….xo
ReplyDeleteEven though I haven't commented lately I've kept up and kept praying! I just put my hand on your handprint (I assume those are your purple handprints :)) and prayed for you as you begin this new treatment. May you feel the presence of the Lord in a powerful way tomorrow. He is with you. Love and hugs to you dear Vicky.
ReplyDelete