Tuesday, July 8, 2014

She sits waiting...



I carry you with me into the world, 
into the smell of rain 
and; the words that dance between people 
and; for me, it will always be this way, 
walking in the light, 
remembering being alive together. ~ Brain Andreas


Its been 4 years Dad, since you left your earthly home for your heavenly one, on the 5th of July, in 2010. 



She sits on the end of the dock.  Waiting.  She listens for the sound of running feet.  There was a time when she would have been 4 or 5, and the rest of the kids, her cousins, were teenagers.  They would have been shouting, splashing, chasing each other, on another lake.  Two would have ganged up on one, and someone would have ended up in the lake with clothes on.  An auntie would have been yelling for them to be sure it wasn't the little girl!  But she knew how to swim already and couldn't wait for it to be her turn to be thrown in.  



She sits waiting.  With memories of her Dad, limping down these steps, tied to an oxygen tank and cannula's forcing air into his failing body.  But his spirit - summer strong- willing himself to get in the boat and fish.  No complaining- never too hot, too cold, too windy.  Maybe he'd catch a few, maybe he wouldn't.  But he'd go willingly, any chance he'd get.  



She stands waiting.  For nieces, who came with her brother and his wife, every 4th of July, for years.  It brought her family together and bolstered her spirit.  Her kids, and their kids, cousins.  They too, would want to chase, racing into the water, making summer memories.  She wades in to the water, praying they decide to come back, praying she'll be able to hold on until they do. 



She sits waiting.  Remembering Rick's mom, Carole, who left this earthly home so suddenly, almost two years ago now. Jim even finds red, white, and blue stars and flags to sprinkle across the tablecloth on the delicious meal he prepares, the kids smiling, remembering its how Grandma would have decorated too.


She sits waiting… for all the pieces of her to come back...



Until she can't wait anymore.  She's emptied- the sad, the broken, the heavy.  She needs not sit any longer.  So she makes her way up the stairs, "walking in the light, remembering being alive together. "  

And begins to fill, with light, joy, and peace.  

His mercies- ever present- ever tender.












Rick's amazing hummingbird photos.







Dr. Antoniuk removed the tape from my incision.  Its free of everything but layers of stitches that will slowly dissolve.  I still have to be careful not to dislodge or loosen anything in that chest wall.  

But it looks so good… so good. 

Family reunion and a visit from Rick's brother coming next.

Scans next week, Dr. P, infusion, Dr. Foster and a doctor appointment for my mom… and a side of cake… cause its also my birthday in the midst of all those appointments! 




26 comments:

  1. Oh sweet Vicky, I hope you find soon that the pieces of yourself you are still waiting for are already within you. This is what I am still in the process of discovering
    I am so excited to know that your incision went well and I send you my love and hug you from afar.
    I also want to say that Rick's hummingbird photographs are stunning. Blessings to you and much love xo

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    1. Thank you so much Anyes- I can relate to what you are going through as well and can see what a journey it has been. Sending love and hugs back to you and hope the rest of your trip is as enchanting as the first part seems to have been!

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  2. Oh Happy Happy Birthday! Such beautiful pictures and words. I look at so many things around this house and think of my parents. Like you, I am filled with longing and love.

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    1. Oh thank you Kass! I remember the posts about your mom so well. I can envision your surroundings and know we are kindred spirits in our memories of our lost loved ones.

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  3. Vicky, may you have an awesome birthday. Glad things are looking up for you. I think of you daily, Peace be with you, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY. HUGS

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    1. Thank you Jean- I so appreciate those prayers and well wishes! Hugs to you, friend!

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  4. Beautiful pictures and lovely words! I thought I would include this legend of the hummingbird. It resonates with everything you have written over time, Vicky.

    “Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. Hummingbirds open our eyes to the wonder of the world and inspire us to open our hearts to loved ones and friends. Like a hummingbird, we aspire to hover and to savor each moment as it passes, embrace all that life has to offer and to celebrate the joy of everyday. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life’s sweetest creation.” - PAPYRUS

    Love and hugs, Eileen

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    1. I'm so touched Eileen- I had no idea a hummingbird legend existed. That is simply beautiful and so fitting. Such a gift to have you share that with us- thank you friend! Love and hugs to you!

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  5. Love these images, what a beautiful written post, as always! Happy, happy birthday to you - xo

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  6. My Daddy's hat still hangs in our NC vacation home. He will be 88 next month. Each and every time I look at Daddy's hat, I think of Mr. Willard, Vicky. I know you are a Daddy's girl. I feel the same about mine. I'm thinking of you, sweet friend. My heart tugs when I read these touching words about those you loved and lost.
    I know your Daddy smiles down from above with much love for you.
    Happy birthday to you.
    Love you,
    Jackie

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    1. Jackie- I love knowing Daddy's hat is still where it rightfully belongs! 88- oh my! I bet he is just as vibrant and active as ever. I pray you are all doing well! Yes- you and I will always be Daddy's girls. Love to you sweet friend!

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  7. She sits waiting...and I read her words..she sits waiting and I see her pic's..she sits waiting and allows her love for the ones who are no longer there...out...in such eloquence i catch my breath with the knowing...she sits waiting and I feel more...and tears come...she sits waiting...in this moment..full of life, full of summer time, full of everything beautiful..and Yet...will it all be taken away? she sits waiting, not knowing, only fighting for every moment to be right were she is...she sits waiting and can relate to her dad...the oxygen tank..and yet his will...to be a part of every preciouse moment..she sits waiting..and I can do nothing...but cheer her on. She sits waiting and I feel tears of what her waiting and reality really truly is...she sits waiting and I love her...for who she is, for her strength, her soul, her love, her zest, her authentic personality..she sits waiting and has no clue...how much she had given...to others in her wait...she sits waiting and I know...I know..the lord smiles..and time...time...time...is her's because you see...she sits waiting..having put it all in his hands..... (this is what your post made me feel...and tears came..I too am a july baby..I too lost my mom..in July last year...i too..wait...but my wait is different..and my wait seems nothing compared to yours...yet I know...for some reason... there are more summers ahead for you...more time...and he smiles...because He loves you...!!!)

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    1. Peggy Sue- wow- I sat whispering your words as I read them and you have quite the poetic way with words. And I will hold you in prayer as you mourn and grieve the loss of your mom and all you have been through! And no- everyone's burden is heavy- mine doesn't outweigh yours, it just has a different name. Thanks for your sweet and encouraging words, friend! Much love to you!

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  8. So glad the incision looks great. Please, please be careful so that the chest wall will completely heal. Don't lift, tug, or do anything that would cause a problem. Happy Birthday and many, many more.

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    1. Thank you so much Francis- I appreciate the advice and will certainly try to be careful! Blessings to you!

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  9. Beautiful writing. sharing. opening up and talking to us. you are on my prayer list and I don't even know you, take care and don't push it.

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    1. Thank you for privilege of being on your list- it truly makes a difference in my life and I am so grateful for that. Blessings to you!

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  10. Vicky, we are so much alike. Sometimes I just need to go away for a bit, to reflect, to let my heart be heavy for a while, to let it fill with God's presence again, to let hope return, to let life begin anew. It was so good to see you. You are a bright spot in my life and I love our chats, your perspective and ear, and just seeing you thriving as you do. I am so glad that you made it, and the little old man with the cell phone did not create a detour. Thank the good God above! I look forward to the next time. :)

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    1. So great to spend time with you as well, Roxane! Feels wonderful to escape for a bit with you- whether its Carmel or Starbucks. So wonderful to hear about your adventures- they certainly matched all that I've seen in your photos and posts! Can't wait for all that has been started to "take flight." Hugs, friend :)

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  11. Beautiful post Vicky. Really loved all the photos and your words speak from the heart!

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  12. Our memories of what was once, are painful and sweet at the same time, and you captured it perfectly in words.

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  13. Oh, that is beautifully expressed and what a stunning place! A happy early birthday to you - I hope you have able to fully enjoy this week before your appointments and busyness of next week.

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  14. Exquisite! Happiest Birthday, my friend.

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  15. One of your most beautiful and moving posts. No words.

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