Friday, April 25, 2014

destiny has no beeper



 Destiny has no beeper...

"Almost nothing important that ever happens to you happens because you engineer it. Destiny has no beeper; destiny always leans trenchcoated out of an alley with some sort of 'psst' that you usually can't even hear because you're in such a rush to or from something important you've tried to engineer."
(from Wallace's novel "Infinite Jest")









Nolan (13) Madi (14) Colton (11) and Alex (12) 











Nolan, hoping he'll grow to be 6'3 just like Uncle Lee- my "baby" brother.




She's on double time the week before they come.  She cleans more than she has in months.  She and Colton literally haul every tiny treasure out of Colton's room- including the marble collection, the golf ball collection, the 276 stuffed animals- each with their own name-and all the legos loosely found everywhere on the floor.

With her compression sleeve sucking her arm in tight, and the throbbing of her underarm, plus her swelling hand, she steels her mind instead for all she needs to do.  

As they clean, Colton and her make plans.  They create a treasure hunt for the eggs they'll dye.  He makes a list of the kinds of candy the Easter Bunny should secure.  She teaches him how to dust, to sort laundry, to clean the windows.  She rounds the corner out of sight, and sits when her lungs wheeze and her heart thumps too hard, willing her weary body to overcome.  

And when their to-do list grows budget busting long?  She decides she'll use some of the funds recently sent to her.  She isn't going to let this Easter pass her by. 

So this Easter Bunny shops up a storm.  She finds cookie birdhouse kits for the kids to put together and decorate.  She gets all kinds of egg dyes, sparkles, and sprinkles to make the eggs.  

She is joyfully crafting the best Easter experience she can.  

Her 2 nieces are coming, and along with her own boys they are 11, 12, 13, and 14, for a few more weeks, until the boys have their birthdays in May. She hopes she has the right stuff to entertain them.  She grabs gift cards for music, and candy, plus more candy, plus chocolate and candy.  Then she falls under the spell of finding the perfect books to tuck in their basket.  

While her energy wanes, her desire grows stronger.  She will craft a memory they'll hold onto for years to come.  She is literally putting all of her eggs in that basket.  

Its Easter!

Still, she and her mom-  awaiting the arrival of Lee's family, get parts wrong. Its late Thursday night when they go to pick them up at the airport.  The days, the times, don't jive with what they thought they were.  They will fly out early Sunday morning.  

Its hard not to feel trapped by the life you get when you're banking on the life you had planned.  

She discovers you can grieve the goodbye, as you barely begin to say hello.

The desire so strong to grasp hold of the old, the known, the "normal," in the midst of so much new nestled in with the fragility of life. 

But "destiny" knows.  Slowly, she hears the "pssst."  And she realizes, its "grace," calling her name.

She is editing pictures when she sees how clearly the most important things are still there.

Mom looks radiant in all of her pictures.  The kids clearly had fun.  The smiles on their faces in the pictures were genuine. They come together so easily.  Just like family.  Because they are.

The important parts are all together.

Mom calls me early Monday morning.

"I just had the best weekend.  Far too short, but oh it was just wonderful.  The picture on my wall of the kids is one of my favorites.  The church service, and everyone dressed so nice.  The kids playing so well together.  Having my son home and his family here along with my daughter and her family.  Just wonderful."

Destiny has no beeper… 

























29 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. So sweet AnaCristina- I pray you are well, friend! Thank you for coming here :)

      Delete
    2. I come every post but sometimes I don´t have words to express my feelings! I admire you! I see you have much courage and interior force. I wouldn't have! Thank you for share your life with us!
      ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

      Delete
  2. "While her energy wanes, her desire grows stronger. She will craft a memory they'll hold onto for years to come. She is literally putting all of her eggs in that basket." Beautiful perspective, writing about your life from outside of it. Hugs...and gratitude for your good heart that lives so vibrantly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for that take on my perspective- its always helpful to know what bits sit well and why- so appreciate the feedback and kind words always!

      Delete
  3. It looks as if your hard work was worth it - what a great weekend even if the time flew by. It's never enough, is it? Maybe you can take a well-deserved rest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true Melissa- not sure what I did had much to do with anything- and yet it turned out the way it was meant to all along. Infusion this week definitely puts me on status rest for a couple of days! Hope that you are getting that chance as well :)

      Delete
  4. How good must it feel to have created such a warm, love and light filled gathering for all of you. Send me any pictures you might like in a new header.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen- sounds great- thank you- it was all pretty "normal," but that felt pretty darn good :)

      Delete
  5. Beautifully written. Beautiful young people!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Kass- they're keepers for sure :)

      Delete
  6. The smiles would indicate a day of happiness and love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes- they truly get along well and are just happy spending time together :)

      Delete
  7. Beautiful words and sentiment, Vicky. So glad you had a wonderful Easter!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Katie- so sweet of you!

      Delete
  8. Sooooooooooooooooo beautiful, Vicky!! How to respond to such beautiful writing. xoxoxoxoxox so much love in this post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Julie, thank you so much- always so kind and supportive- truly love seeing your beautiful self show up here!

      Delete
  9. Oh Vicky, you are the one that looks so vibrant..so full of energy and health in the pic above that noone would ever know the battle you are fighting! And that in and off itself is a good omen!! :) (yes, your mom looks very good as well). The kids cousin's...BEAUTIFUL! Your Nolan looks like he is 16-17!!! he is turning into a man right in front of us! And I think..Colton is right behind. What wonderful memories you have made... And your niece's how beautiful!!! And then there is your thought's..your world, knowing the preciousness of each day, not knowing the future only the now! But I marvel at the new door that may be opening... For Dr. P to say let's look into that surgery now! That say's to me, lets move forward and LIVE, LIVE, LIVE. For despite 'diagnoises' he is smiling saying..Hey, why not...lets move forward...lets LIVE! and I think "The man upstairs is smiling" leaning with his elbow on his knee...and his chin in his hand...looking down and smiling..saying... YES, LET'S LIVE!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Peggy Sue,
      I LOVE the picture your words painted of God smiling saying "Yes, let's live!" Thank you For sharing that!
      Love, Linda

      Delete
    2. Peggy Sue- Oh goodness- such a kind compliment- thank you! I was surrounded by family and it was Easter- it doesn't get any better than that :) And I think your take on Dr. P and his willingness to explore surgery for me is spot on- its a vote of confidence for sure that he gave his approval. Love your version of this!! Hugs to you friend- thankful for how you SEE things :)

      Delete
  10. Sounds (and looks) like you had a wonderful Easter weekend! I will be home in a week and a half and would love to swing by and say hello to my favorite Westra family : )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yayyy- we would of course love that! What a great surprise to know you will be coming!! Can't wait :)

      Delete
  11. Oh sweet Vicky,
    Grace IS calling your name. I am so struck by several things you wrote and the words flew off the screen into my heart...

    * "While her energy wanes, her desire grows stronger. She will craft a memory they'll hold onto for years to come. She is literally putting all of her eggs in that basket." Truly, they will remember this Easter, and all the loved-filled touches, all the days of their lives. For years and years and years to come. These are forever memories. No wonder Colton didn't want it to end. All the cleaning, and making, and egg dyeing, and baskets, and perfectly chosen books...all the memories seeped into their DNA. When the boys are fathers, I have no doubt they'll tell their children about Easter, 2014. You were the perfect Easter bunny! ITunes and all! :)

    and *"The desire so strong to grasp hold of the old, the known, the "normal" in the midst of so much new nestled in with the fragility of life." A perfect sentence..it flooded me with pictures and feelings. Your "new normal" at times must feel awkward and a bit upending, yet it is SO filled with grace, and love, and becoming, and inspiration and prayers and support. It is FULL of life!
    What a blessing that you share it with all of us!

    I loved every picture you shared and every heart-filled sentence you wrote!
    Love you to the moon and back, Vicky! Prayers and more prayers...
    Linda

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda- I spent my morning getting most of my thank you notes written. I had to laugh as I was writing your name, and my phone buzzed almost exactly at the same time- it was your comment alert! You were fully on my heart and mind, while you were here reading this!

      You honor and humble me so with your thoughtful and well-expressed words- I hardly know how to respond- only simply to say- thank you. Blessings and love to you!

      Delete
  12. The children sure are growing fast. Glad you had a great time and Mom was there to enjoy it too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so grateful for that as well! Yes- the years seem to go by more quickly than ever before :) Good to see you here Vic! Hope you are well :)

      Delete
  13. I am struck by how strong and capable these "children" look! Growing up with purpose.

    What a wonderful Easter. Made special not just by your heroic efforts, but by the simple yet glorious fact that you all were present for this celebration. A reason for celebration, indeed!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Praying for you on this beautiful Spring day!
    Lovingly,
    Carolynn

    ReplyDelete
  15. What a mountain you climbed to reach that summit of memories and you did it without obvious equipment. But what a view from there. You are an "all in" woman - that is FOR SURE. I'm sorry the visit was so short but glad it came and that it brought such joy to all of you. The kids are growing SO much. Beautiful, all of them!

    ReplyDelete

I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

When you get lucky

When you get lucky

Popular Posts

Minnesota.com

Minnesota.com - MN Weather, Map, Businesses and Blogs