destiny has no beeper

 Destiny has no beeper...

"Almost nothing important that ever happens to you happens because you engineer it. Destiny has no beeper; destiny always leans trenchcoated out of an alley with some sort of 'psst' that you usually can't even hear because you're in such a rush to or from something important you've tried to engineer."

(from Wallace's novel "Infinite Jest")

Nolan (13) Madi (14) Colton (11) and Alex (12) 

Nolan, hoping he'll grow to be 6'3 just like Uncle Lee- my "baby" brother.

She's on double time the week before they come.  She cleans more than she has in months.  She and Colton literally haul every tiny treasure out of Colton's room- including the marble collection, the golf ball collection, the 276 stuffed animals- each with their own name-and all the legos loosely found everywhere on the floor.

With her compression sleeve sucking her arm in tight, and the throbbing of her underarm, plus her swelling hand, she steels her mind instead for all she needs to do.  

As they clean, Colton and her make plans.  They create a treasure hunt for the eggs they'll dye.  He makes a list of the kinds of candy the Easter Bunny should secure.  She teaches him how to dust, to sort laundry, to clean the windows.  She rounds the corner out of sight, and sits when her lungs wheeze and her heart thumps too hard, willing her weary body to overcome.  

And when their to-do list grows budget busting long?  She decides she'll use some of the funds recently sent to her.  She isn't going to let this Easter pass her by. 

So this Easter Bunny shops up a storm.  She finds cookie birdhouse kits for the kids to put together and decorate.  She gets all kinds of egg dyes, sparkles, and sprinkles to make the eggs.  

She is joyfully crafting the best Easter experience she can.  

Her 2 nieces are coming, and along with her own boys they are 11, 12, 13, and 14, for a few more weeks, until the boys have their birthdays in May. She hopes she has the right stuff to entertain them.  She grabs gift cards for music, and candy, plus more candy, plus chocolate and candy.  Then she falls under the spell of finding the perfect books to tuck in their basket.  

While her energy wanes, her desire grows stronger.  She will craft a memory they'll hold onto for years to come.  She is literally putting all of her eggs in that basket.  

Its Easter!

Still, she and her mom-  awaiting the arrival of Lee's family, get parts wrong. Its late Thursday night when they go to pick them up at the airport.  The days, the times, don't jive with what they thought they were.  They will fly out early Sunday morning.  

Its hard not to feel trapped by the life you get when you're banking on the life you had planned.  

She discovers you can grieve the goodbye, as you barely begin to say hello.

The desire so strong to grasp hold of the old, the known, the "normal," in the midst of so much new nestled in with the fragility of life. 

But "destiny" knows.  Slowly, she hears the "pssst."  And she realizes, its "grace," calling her name.

She is editing pictures when she sees how clearly the most important things are still there.

Mom looks radiant in all of her pictures.  The kids clearly had fun.  The smiles on their faces in the pictures were genuine. They come together so easily.  Just like family.  Because they are.

The important parts are all together.

Mom calls me early Monday morning.

"I just had the best weekend.  Far too short, but oh it was just wonderful.  The picture on my wall of the kids is one of my favorites.  The church service, and everyone dressed so nice.  The kids playing so well together.  Having my son home and his family here along with my daughter and her family.  Just wonderful."

Destiny has no beeper…