I remember bits of it. The strong arms that guided me while sedated. The "comfy" bed they prepared for me on the table. The mask getting snapped onto my head and my chin hurting for a minute until they readjusted.
I recall that I requested the radiation techs talk to me. I remember them coming into my line of view often. But I discovered the way the mask went over my mouth, talking wasn't possible. I could only utter the mmmhhmmm sound. I was in zero pain. I felt nothing. But in order for the mask to securely fit and hold my head in the proper position, my upper and bottom teeth and my jaw were locked tight against each other and it was sore later that night.
Then one hour later...
I woke up. And although sedated, I could wobbly-walk with a little help. I could see. I could read. I could hear and understand.
I briefly met with Dr. Foster and left shortly after. No wheelchair- just the steady arm of Superman.
I had CRANIAL STEREOTACTIC RADIOSURGERY and I walked away shortly afterwards like it was nothing.
I slept on and off all night, due in part to lots of help...
My inlaws came... and
I need to say a huge, no HUGE thank you to the Gregoire family for inviting my boys over to swim and play hockey- and who fed them- and showed them such a fun time they didn't want to come home! Thank you Heidi and Jeremy! I slept so peacefully knowing they were in such good hands!
I awoke Thursday with a headache and some nausea. I rested. My friend, Tami, came and cleaned my house. My phone buzzed all day long with prayers and well wishes and love. My head felt like it vibrated as much as my phone did.
I was uncomfortable, but it wasn't any different than how I would normally feel two days after chemo.
Then I woke up today. I can't quite explain it. I feel different. Oh I have no idea if the cancer is being blasted into oblivion or not. But somehow I am different. I fully feel the energy of all those prayers flowing through and around me, like a hum thrumming its way through me.
I drove myself to wound care. Slowly and carefully I made my way. I needed my new hat (below) as the part in my hair was looking pretty sparse. My "combover" made me laugh.
I told my wound care nurses that I had chemo Tuesday, radiation to my brain on Wednesday and by Friday I was able to go to the clinic by myself. Shari gave me the biggest celebratory hug and admitted she'd been praying for me. Clearly I am being watched over. Clearly I am being helped. This is not me being amazing, this is just me living! I always think of Sara's words to choose joy, and when you do? It chooses you right back.
I found this slice of happy waiting on my front door! There it is, my hope, dangling from a silver thread... but the words in the card made me tear up instantly. Thank you Jackie... I was very touched by your thoughtful words and very honored.
Wednesday before radiation, I got to spend the morning of with my cousin Jennifer. She brought the beautiful daffodils and a blinged out hat which has hardly left my head. But mostly, I treasured the conversation and the company.
And I can't forget about the food! We have had seriously delicious meals delivered over the course of the last couple of weeks.
“Miracles: You do not have to look for them. They are there, 24-7, beaming like radio waves all around you. Put up the antenna, turn up the volume - snap... crackle... this just in, every person you talk to is a chance to change the world.” – Hugh Elliott