I stumble to the cupboard in search of filters to make the morning coffee, my eyes blurry with tears. I search and search, this door, and that one. I stop, turn around and suddenly know the filters are in the drawer, where they have always been.
Thank you God, she is home!
I've been in this grief filled space before. It distorts the dailyness of life, and if it weren't for the mundane chores we do mechanically every day, I don't know how I would otherwise function.
I long to rejoice for my Sara, in her new heavenly home. And I do, but through my fresh veil of grief.
Thank you God for the gift of her life and the way she drove spirit-filled grace into her every moment here!
I search through my emails for her words, that she'd brought to me often, to soothe, comfort, and anchor me... She has been through so much, so often... it isn't long and I find what I think she would say to me on a day such as this:
In Sara's own words:
"it's ok to be discouraged.
it's part of the process, really... at least it is for me.
because i find when i am most discouraged is when i most lean into Him the way i should.
i am praying friend that you take this all to Him, that you lean into Him, that you hand it to Him and trust Him to love you through it..."
"...just know it's ok to have moments when you don't feel the joy.
it will come back, i promise.
just let out the grief so you can make room for the joy to come back in..."
I think of these words as Rick performs his daily cleansing of the wound in my chest...
Thank you God, Sara is unbound, free. Sara has left the condo! She is breathing fully, without pain and in your arms Father, and her fathers. Praise God!
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