Monday, March 28, 2011

Worthy

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."  Victor Hugo - Sent to me by our sweet Gitz.




I spent the weekend in a cocoon of good friends, great food, lots of laughs and so many blessings.  The basket below of pink and girly goodness showed up with Pam and Becky, hockey moms like me,  who pretty much covered everything a girl could want, and then some.  Everything was soft, fuzzy, warm, scented, soothing, and heartfelt.  Becky and Pam have awesome taste!  Thank you girls for knowing how to bring comfort to my being.


Dear God, Please help me be worthy...  please help me be a good steward of so much abundance.  God, I am so surprised with the words you are putting on the tip of my tongue, abundance, peace, joy and love.  For me?  Please help me keep my feet on the ground and keep me humbled. 


These decisions are coming at us so fast.  The Mayo clinic cannot see us until the middle of April.  I cannot wait.  Every fiber of my being tells me to push forward and begin the treatment being offered to me here, at Roger Maris Cancer Center.  


Please Lord, help me with discernment, so that I make the best decisions available to me.


The phone rings at 9:00 this morning.  I am asked to go back to the clinic.  My happiness bubble bursts as I step into the overflowing waiting room.  I'm ushered back to the room where I will sign consent for the clinical trial.  I work my way through a crowded room full of sick and sicker people.  They are, who I will become and I am going into that little room to tell them that is okay.  Make me just like them.  I know they are more than cancer.  I know they are grandpas, and sisters, and moms like me.  They each have a story unique to tell, and one day I hope to know their stories.  I am only a preface to a story that I hope will one day become a long drawn out novel.


Please let me be worthy.





I'm home and I go through my basket.  The first thing I pull out is the pink rock.

When I took the Ali Edwards One Word Challenge, I went with the word "alive" in January.  I do it instead of a New Year's resolution.  I never know how the word will manifest in my life.  My word almost always chooses me.  After Dad died this past July, I simply wanted to feel "alive" in everything that I do.  Its ironic to me, that "fighting to be"... was not what I had planned, only what I humbly accept with hands opened wide.

Thank you Pam, for making this for me and to Sara for the handwriting we are all trying to emulate.  




Do you see that cute boy in my sidebar with the Necklaces sign?  Its also the brainchild of Pam.  She also created this bracelet for me.  Its hockey laces she has braided and then sewed a clasp on to hook the ends together.  Genius I tell you.  Stay tuned for more info to come on how you could purchase one of her neckLaces or bracelets too :)  The bracelets with the pink are part of a fundraiser being done on my/our behalf.




As I go to make something for lunch, the phone rings.  Another friend, a hockey mom who wants to bring a book over, and her baby boy Andrew whom I am quite smitten with.  Oh and can she bring lunch? 

I hold the baby, we eat and talk... my cup overflows.  



I already know I will love the book.  Anyone who understands the burden of shoving a cancer-sized diagnosis down your throat in one big swallow, will appreciate a mind-sized bites approach.
Thank you Nikki!   




And still there is more.  Phone calls, cards, emails, texts.  Hugs.  Plates and pans of bars.  With hands open wide I accept.  And with hands open wide I also accept: an MRI, an Echocardiogram, an EKG, a bone scan, a CT scan and some blood work for good measure.  




One more thing, in case you need a little laugh, I also got a prescription for a cranial prosthesis.  It took me a couple of minutes to realize, its for a wig!  Obla di Obla da, with or without hair, life goes on.  



















39 comments:

  1. Each paragraph, I take a deep breath with you. Pray the words with you. And can tell you... you are beyond worthy. Worthy of every prayer, every note, every little and big good thing. You are worthy and worth it. And I love you, sister.

    And am so, so proud of you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, sweet Vicky. What an amazing woman you are. My heart skipped a beat when I read 'cranial prosthesis' myself! It is wonderful that you are surrounded by good friends and family. Praying for you, Vicky.

    ReplyDelete
  3. vicky, we are praying for you and your sweet family. your faith is amazing and inspiring. thanks for sharing your story...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I wish I could pack Allie up and we could come visit you :) I wish I could bring some light into your day. I know I don't have to tell you that you are incredibly blessed throughout this. You have so many wonderful thoughtful people there for you. Thinking about you and praying!!! Praying for your boys and Rick and of course you! love you

    ReplyDelete
  5. I thought about you all day Vicky. I totally agree with you that you cannot wait for Mayo...proceeding forward is a must. Thank you for your honest thoughts.

    Cranial prosthesis? Couldn't it just say wigs by Rachel Welch???? Bless you my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You and your approach to all of this are beyond amazing Vicky. What an example of courage and grace you offer us all. That and all the love coming your way are surely supporting and giving a kick-start to your immune system for the task ahead.

    What a way to embrace what life hands you!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Delighted to find you are also a hockey mom!! What a great idea for the laces...I've never seen that after 15 years of 4 kids playing.
    You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers new friend,
    Deb

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh Vicky... I'm so sorry that you are facing this. But, you are a strong woman with hundred of people rallying around you. Your attitude is amazing and your courage and grace are so inspiring. I know that you will be a survivor and a symbol of strength for us all. You and your family are in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, I love all the pink! I also loved how you described walking into the waiting room, because in that you gave us a small glimpse of your reality, and we need to hear that, too, so we can really walk with you, dear Vicky. I am looking forward to the hug, but until then, small bites, small bites...

    Hugs...Roxane from across the river

    ReplyDelete
  10. Vicky, I found your blog through Robyn at Heart & Home. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. Sounds and looks as if you have lots of family and friends that love you and are there willing to help you.....let them! You have a wonderful attitude, that is a big, huge factor when dealing with cancer I've been told. I will continue to pray for you and your family and friends!
    Deb in Iowa

    ReplyDelete
  11. What a wonderful gift that book is, Vicky. I believe so much in positive attitudes, helping to heal us right along with prayer.

    This book is filled with hope and plenty of inspiration as it is written by a woman who has been through this and survived!

    The quote that stands out in this book to me is this:
    "We must stop speaking of cancer in whispers. We may have cancer, but cancer does not have us. Cancer is a beatable, treatable, survivable disease.”

    Always praying Vicky for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You are nothing if not amazing in every sense. You brought me joy and hope in so many of your writings and now may in return to you in ABUNDANCE. I wish I felt eloquent and equipped with words that caused anxiety and stress and disease to vanish with a flourish of the hand, a nod of the head, and simple speech.

    I don't, but I have - and YOU have - a God that knows all and is MORE than able. Praying for healing and lots and lots of strength, comfort, and LOVE to engulf you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I've always known you to be beautiful Vicky...but how is it possible you grow more beautiful every day? The love of God and love for God overflows as you wrap words around your days.
    Praying always...R

    ReplyDelete
  14. Vicky, you are such a beautiful person, inside and out. You are more than worthy. Beautiful, honest words, I hope you are in the process of writing a book.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Heartfelt prayers coming your way. You really are blessed to have such wonderful and thoughtful friends.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow I so need a bracelet!!!!!!! I am totally hoping to come on Thursday night. Thad starts flood duty soon....maybe on Thursday. And as you know, it's hard to coordinate it all.
    Vicky I want you to know that I am always thinking of you and praying for you. If I could come up with a way to create a beautiful gift for you, I would. If I could come up with a way, to take away your fears, I would.
    There are so many things that I want to do, and frankly I feel helpless that I can't.
    I offer my friendship and support in the midst of all of this, and I hope you know that you are so special. :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Your heart is amazing and beyond worthy. Go'd Spirit is alive in you and will never die. Thanks for showing us His Spirit in you!

    ReplyDelete
  18. You are worthy. You are alive. We will fight this fight -- and win this battle. You are my best friend.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Vicky, I have only known you for a couple days thru Robins blog, but I can safely say you are WORTHY! The attitude and strength of conviction in approaching your journey is amazing. I will be praying for your healing and strength for you and your family. Also that God will make the decisions easy by the path HE lays ahead of you.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I drank in every word you said in your post, swallowing hard as I remembered the BIG gulps that were being forced down my throat in those first weeks after diagnosis. I remember my oncologist staring at my blank face and asking me if I were with the program????!!!! It jolted me back to reality -- whatever that was at the moment. I hadn't thought of it until I read your post, but I think I signed one million forms without even reading a one! I couldn't concentrate enough and I prayed that the Lord would just work it out for me. I have not read the book, but I'm going to. It sounds really good. I'm telling you, there were days I wondered if I even had one ray of hope. But when I didn't, family and friends gave me theirs. And the rock????? Perfect! I remember hearing my heart beating so hard and so loud as I went through chemo, and I knew I was ALIVE as long as I could hear that! I just so loved your post today. I wish I could just be there and walk with you through all this. In a way, I am. I'm praying for you constantly and I know the Lord will be there with you every single, tiny step of the way. There will be days when they are just little, tiny steps --- like getting through the waiting room to the chemo chair you signed up for!!!! But He's there, too. And I KNOW you will know it! Love you!!!! And always praying!

    ReplyDelete
  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I wish I had something deep and soothing to write...I don't.

    So I'll pray for you instead, and may the words He whispers to you bring the soothing my words never could.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Our prayers are with you and your family. You are an inspiration to many...we look forward to seeing you WIN this! Sincerely,
    Tammy and family from Iowa

    ReplyDelete
  24. You are an absolute force of goodness and grace and hope. Your spirit and determination will get your through all that lies ahead of you.

    Maybe go with a Platinum blond cranial prosthesis!

    much love and prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  25. You are worthy! Praise God for you... Praying for you...

    ReplyDelete
  26. Your love and FAITH are SUCH an inspiration! I agree that you can't wait for the Mayo Clinic. I will pray with you all along this journey. Keep your hands and heart open. Attitude is crucial! I ahve seen it time after time. XO, Pinky

    ReplyDelete
  27. I somehow stumbled upon your blog and I am so glad I did. Thank you for this touching post.

    Please remember that prayers and wishes for your health and speedy recovery are being sent from Sydney Australia.

    With much love to you and your beautiful family,
    Mervat
    ((O)) (a BIG virtual hug to you!)

    ReplyDelete
  28. You are my hero!! Your strength, positivity, love, generosity and selflessness are amazing.

    You are a blessing to all of us my dear friend. There is no stopping you...I can tell that God and you have an amazing energizing, life giving partnership.

    Thank you for being you. And thank you for being my friend. Your words bring light and life to me. You are worthy of all the love and friendship and support that the world has to offer.

    Love and hugs to you always - Kelly

    ReplyDelete
  29. Worthy and Wonderful... thanks so much for sharing your journey with us. Praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Your strength and your faith are inspiring me and so contagious! Continuing to pray for you and your family Vicky.

    ReplyDelete
  31. This is so nice to see Vicky.
    You are indeed a beloved woman and many are fighting for you and with you to make this journey a fruitful one.
    God Bless !
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

    ReplyDelete
  32. You are so amazing! You will come through this with the wisdom to help so many!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Vicky, I've come to read your story from Robin's blog. I do not know you personally, but I wanted you to know that your are loved and I'm praying for you on this journey.

    Lynda

    ReplyDelete
  34. I have also come across from Robynn's blog to wish you all the best as you do battle with this monster! What beautiful friends you have to give you that basket of goodies - if friends are the strength you need, then you have plenty on your side.

    Best wishes from Australia,

    Joolz xxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  35. Prayers from Georgia, I have been following Robynn's Raving for some time and she posed beautifully about you and your situation this morning.

    You will be in my prayers.

    Blessings
    R

    ReplyDelete
  36. Such a brave and beautiful post. I'm fighting up there with you!

    ReplyDelete
  37. My heart is so full I can hardly write. It is just so wonderful to read such a hopeful, blessed, loving, wise and God Filled post. I know that I will always remember it. You are amazing. I know that you have enough friends, and probably more than enough prayers, but am going to add mine to everyone else's... I have prayed 'boldly' recently for a couple of things, and got staggering results. Good ones! Being bold in prayer is a new thing for me, but I will be bold in praying for you, Vicky. Because YOU are bold! Awesome woman, you are. Thank you for the wonderful post. Re-read it in a low moment... it will cheer you enormously! Hugs and love from albeit a total stranger, but also a fellow blogger. I'll be back to see how you are getting on. Oh, and I need one of those bracelets! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  38. Just wanted to say that this book was so good! It's honestly the only cancer book I've read although I've got several more serious ones on the way to me. :)

    ReplyDelete

I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

When you get lucky

When you get lucky

Popular Posts

Minnesota.com

Minnesota.com - MN Weather, Map, Businesses and Blogs