Monday, June 28, 2010

“Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world.”

~Ada Louis Huxtable





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By all accounts I know I should be drunk... with summer.


I know I am in a bubble. First we have a big move for my parents planned for the end of this week, into their new apartment. After we get them settled for a few days, my brother and his wife and their two girls are coming for a visit the following week.

So much to do, to look forward to, to enjoy. It keeps us all in the bubble. As if by our activity, we can keep everything we cherish within our collective grasp.  We're afraid to sit still, to stop moving, to get off the ride.

While the boys went with their father to a baseball game, I worked in the yard yesterday.  I started with just pulling some stray grass growing amongst the flower beds.  With the soil saturated from all the recent rains, they slid out easily in large clumps.  The steady monotonous work was soothing. I watched my fingernails fill with dirt and remnants of grass. My fingers were caked with clay. I pulled and I pulled.

Soon, all that was left  were the thistles.  Maybe its my frame of mind, my inability to leave the safety of my bubble, but I found myself barehanded, tackling those thorny weeds.  I tugged and pulled at their spindly base, wincing at the prick on my fingers when coming in contact with the thorny stems.  Yet, I never once moved to get my gardening gloves.  I sat with a tweezer last night, surveying the wounds and slivers covering my hands.  They are battle scars and a badge of honor, that serve as reminders of the heavy burden I carry.

For all of the beauty of my blooms and blossoms, simply can't take away the worry in my mother's face. Or my sleepless, restless nights.  Or the change in my Dad's words, his appearance, his growing weakness.

Our bubble is showing signs of weakening.  I tread lightly, holding my breath, knowing the bubble will one day burst.  The thorns and the thistle will take over, no matter how many times I bravely reach to yank them from the ground.

15 comments:

  1. Oh Vicky

    you are right but only for a season...
    Meanwhile you are doing what you can to help and to soothe your family and yourself...

    Happy days

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  2. It is such a challenging time Vicky ... in the summer of your years you must bear witness to the approach of Winter for your loved ones ... It is so hard to reconcile ourselves to life's unrelenting cycle. I think Delwyn's comment (and knowing she has just been through it) brings hope.

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  3. Your words translated your pain to me Vicky...those prickly thorns in our garden of life. I remember those feelings well, watching the changes in my mother the last months of her life!

    Delwyn is right, it is a season that passes for us all.
    ♥...Wanda

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  4. Working along side you as you walk through this season ...

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  5. Your pain brings beauty...you wax eloquent, Vicky...but I am sorry for the inspiration for your poetry! So, very sorry...Each day is precious...and you are on tender hooks...trying to squeeze every last drop from the moment...to breath deep and feel it intensely...and burn it into your memory for all time. I did that once...I remember...and it is an exhausting, heartbreaking but treasured time. I love you...you remain in my prayers, daily! Janine XOXO

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  6. A bubble within a bubble would be nice. I know what you're talking about, but you expressed it better than I could have. These are trying times for us (with the care of aging parents), but there is a sweetness to it that I never would have thought possible.

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  7. Thanks for sharing your personal emotions with all of us. Just remember to give your mom and dad lots of love and kisses. I'm glad your parents have you for support...you are an awesome daughter Vicky.

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  8. Love those flowers!!!!! Hope you're doing well - you've been on my mind. Hugs!

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  9. Another powerful post! The pics are beautiful! I need to do some "weeding."

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  10. You have a gift of conveying what's in your heart and mind so eloquently. I wish that I could help you somehow in this difficult time. Just know that I'm praying for you and your family. I know that it must be hard for you to stay strong all the time for everyone. God bless you Vicky. Hugs to you always.

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  11. your words made me think of Jesus praying in the garden right before he was crucified...knowing what was coming, feeling the beginning of His journey and yet He kept going.

    It's in the most excruciating times that I connect with a tiny part of the suffering of Christ.

    I'm so sorry you are on this journey. So sorry that your bubble is showing signs of weakness...when it bursts, just lean into the pain Sweet One.

    I'm holding you and yours close to my heart, praying praying praying...

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  12. It is good you are keeping yourself busy. The flowers are beautiful. The colors so bright and cheerful.
    Smell them and keep your heart full of life and living.

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  13. we just finished a two week family/birthdays/anniversary bash and it was exhausting, but all worth it !

    i know that bubble well....and mine has burst and now i'm running with my arms wide open....

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  14. Truly exquiste flowers, Vicky, and words even MORE profound in light of your post this morning. I'm so sorry.......

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I welcome what you have to say. Thanks for taking the time to grace me with your thoughts and words!

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