My Own Little Miracle. Part One

I loved our Gitzen Girl's post yesterday, HDG:Miracles Abound. She was doing her Hump Day Giveaway yesterday, (yeah, sorry, it was over yesterday) and in honor of Stellan our MckMiracle baby, she used this Albert Einstein quote on her canvas: "There are two ways to look at life. One is as though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though everything is." She asked us to leave a comment about "a small miracle in your life that you are going to appreciate today." It brought me right back to the first time I really started paying attention to miracles.

The first time I ever heard someone say that "all babies are miracles" was when I was newly pregnant with Nolan. Her name was Ruth and she was the charge nurse at the psychiatric hospital I worked at, in Idaho. She had five children and only worked a couple of 12 hour shifts a week. She was of short stature, soft spoken, and had a pleasant, if quiet nature. I always felt like the ward was "under control" as much as possible for a psych ward, when she was on duty. When she heard the news that I was newly pregnant she smiled and said "they're gifts from God, every one of them." Please take very special care of that "miracle" inside.

Miracle? I thought. Hmmmm, I wasn't sure a baby qualified as the kind of miracle that I was accustomed to. She may have sensed my skepticism, so she went on. "Every day, thousands of cells are growing inside. Its all planned out and carefully orchestrated. The cells grow and divide and start to make tissue and bones, organs and parts. Just think about how millions of things have to go right every day, in the making of a healthy baby. Yep, every baby is a miracle." She smiled and walked away.

The first half of my pregnancy flew by. I felt good, was able to work all day and my doctor's appointments went well. With plans for an early departure back to Minnesota for Christmas I went in for my blood work for my pre-natal tests. I had THE BEST doctor who worked at the same hospital I did. I knew her in more ways than just a typical doctor patient relationship usually allows. Sara, or Dr. Johnson, was a gem. She made her patients feel like family first, patients second.

And I trusted her care and guidance. I didn't question her use of pre-natal tests. So the blood work was drawn and they would call with the results. As I recall, 9 years ago, the standard test was called the triple screen and looked for early detection of things like neural tube defects or Down Syndrome.

December 9th, 1999, I got the call at work. Mib was calling, Dr. Johnson's nurse. Why is it that the first thing people say when they are delivering less than desirable news is "don't be alarmed" which only serves to instantly alarm you? "Don't be alarmed," she said "but your alpha-fetal-protein test results are low, lower than we'd like to see. We have gone ahead and scheduled you for an ultrasound and an amniocentesis next week."

I could hardly keep my composure. But I was so not going to lose it standing in front of the seclusion room! I just wanted to get home. My mind was reeling with what this all meant. I felt sick to my stomach and sucker-punched. I cycled between thinking it was a fluke, to believing that I should start getting myself prepared for the worst, while realizing I had no idea what the worst could possibly be.  To be continued...