Thursday, April 23, 2009

My Own Little Miracle. Part One

I loved our Gitzen Girl's post yesterday, HDG:Miracles Abound. She was doing her Hump Day Giveaway yesterday, (yeah, sorry, it was over yesterday) and in honor of Stellan our MckMiracle baby, she used this Albert Einstein quote on her canvas: "There are two ways to look at life. One is as though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though everything is." She asked us to leave a comment about "a small miracle in your life that you are going to appreciate today." It brought me right back to the first time I really started paying attention to miracles.

The first time I ever heard someone say that "all babies are miracles" was when I was newly pregnant with Nolan. Her name was Ruth and she was the charge nurse at the psychiatric hospital I worked at, in Idaho. She had five children and only worked a couple of 12 hour shifts a week. She was of short stature, soft spoken, and had a pleasant, if quiet nature. I always felt like the ward was "under control" as much as possible for a psych ward, when she was on duty. When she heard the news that I was newly pregnant she smiled and said "they're gifts from God, every one of them." Please take very special care of that "miracle" inside.

Miracle? I thought. Hmmmm, I wasn't sure a baby qualified as the kind of miracle that I was accustomed to. She may have sensed my skepticism, so she went on. "Every day, thousands of cells are growing inside. Its all planned out and carefully orchestrated. The cells grow and divide and start to make tissue and bones, organs and parts. Just think about how millions of things have to go right every day, in the making of a healthy baby. Yep, every baby is a miracle." She smiled and walked away.

The first half of my pregnancy flew by. I felt good, was able to work all day and my doctor's appointments went well. With plans for an early departure back to Minnesota for Christmas I went in for my blood work for my pre-natal tests. I had THE BEST doctor who worked at the same hospital I did. I knew her in more ways than just a typical doctor patient relationship usually allows. Sara, or Dr. Johnson, was a gem. She made her patients feel like family first, patients second.

And I trusted her care and guidance. I didn't question her use of pre-natal tests. So the blood work was drawn and they would call with the results. As I recall, 9 years ago, the standard test was called the triple screen and looked for early detection of things like neural tube defects or Down Syndrome.

December 9th, 1999, I got the call at work. Mib was calling, Dr. Johnson's nurse. Why is it that the first thing people say when they are delivering less than desirable news is "don't be alarmed" which only serves to instantly alarm you? "Don't be alarmed," she said "but your alpha-fetal-protein test results are low, lower than we'd like to see. We have gone ahead and scheduled you for an ultrasound and an amniocentesis next week."

I could hardly keep my composure. But I was so not going to lose it standing in front of the seclusion room! I just wanted to get home. My mind was reeling with what this all meant. I felt sick to my stomach and sucker-punched. I cycled between thinking it was a fluke, to believing that I should start getting myself prepared for the worst, while realizing I had no idea what the worst could possibly be.  To be continued...

12 comments:

  1. It's a really good thing I know Nolan is alive and healthy, or I'd be driving to Minnesota to get the results out of you.

    You think I'm kidding, but I'm spunky enough to do it! :)

    And I love that you call me "our Gitzen Girl." :)

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  2. Girls - Vicky and Gitz - neither one of you ever sleep. I always see these late posts and comments. I should know. I don't sleep either just so I can stay up and check on you! lol

    Vicky, I can't wait to hear the rest of the story. So glad Nolan is obviously healthy but want to know what happened!

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  3. This is really good Vicky, but like Gitz I'm glad to know the end result!
    After all we went through with Stephie and Baby Ellie I'm gonna have to agree with your friend, All Babies Are Miracles~
    Love to you and I can't wait for the rest of this!

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  4. Gitz, if I didn't already know how much pain that would cause you, I'd be tempted to hold back just to see you show up here :) I figured I was safe in not posting such a long post and instead breaking it up since you do know him.

    Robynn, I was sound asleep, I assure you when this posted... so glad I figured out how to schedule a post for later!

    Robin, I agree, I just had to go through a lot to see it in a new way :) Hugs please to Ellie from me :)

    BTW, today is the day we are due to hit 80 degrees!!

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  5. I totally missed her post yesterday! Darn. I think I was so busy..doing what I am not sure...that I forgot to check. That is a great quote.
    Thanks for the story!

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  6. Bonnie, I'll have to send the quick email reminder to you next time :)

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  7. Cant wait to read the next bit but I am sure it will be a miracle. I like that quote. We should indeed look for the miracles. Thanks for the reminder Vicky!

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  8. Lilly, it sure opened my eyes to the possibility that they exist more so in everyday life than I had imagined.

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  9. To be continued. How can we wait?
    We always considered our babies to be miracles.

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  10. Every day is a miracle.
    Babies are miracles and doctors perform miracles.I spent enough time in hospitals to know miracles do happen.
    I am a true believer in miracles and God and destiny.
    I believe you write your own path before you are born and even choose your own parents.
    I think my kids were sent to me for a reason.Maybe it was to teach me my flaws or maybe it was because what I am and what my husband is, is what they have needs for.
    But for whatever reason, children are born to love and treasure. I love my kids. Love watching them grow.They say hey Mom enough of that already. You have to grow up but I say, you have to stay small.
    There is enough time to do grown up things, so no need to rush to grow up. lol
    Same things my Mama told me. lol

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  11. Dr. John, I was about to get a lesson on miracles :) I would absolutely agree with you!

    A.L.L : I couldn't agree with your wisdom and experience more... I promise I've come a long ways since then :) With a long ways to go too :) Thanks for sharing your insight.

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